Barbies and Bratz: A Mother's Story

Despite my feminist tendencies, I am a die-hard Barbie fan, and I've been a Barbie fan since I was at least six and maybe even younger.  Barbie is pretty, but her innocent-looking eyes and slight smile eliminate that bitchy edge that someone who looks like Barbie in real life might have.  She engenders a certain level of comfort that makes a person want to be her friend.  You just know that she's nice and she would never hurt you.

And then there are the Bratz.   To me, they are hideous and I just know that in real life, they would be big meanies.  Daniel agrees with me.  Janet, on the other hand, has several Bratz dolls and she seems to love them all.  Meanwhile, her Barbie-dolls just sit in the corner, uncomplaining, collecting dust whilst the Bratz get all the action.  I just can't figure it out.  Why would my own flesh and blood forsake Barbie for Bratz?  Clearly, Barbie is superior.  Let's compare:

Shoes and Boots:  Any girl who played/plays with Barbie will tell you that, hands down, the most frustrating thing about Barbie was losing the shoes.  They were little and plastic, and just the kind of thing that frustrated housewives and mothers of the 1960s loved to vacuum up.  Fortunately, Barbie has wonderfully elegant feet that, even bare, go with any outfit.  It helps that the feet are in the shape of high-heeled shoes.  Contrast this with the Bratz, whose feet would be the equivalent of a men's size 10, C- width.  They are ghastly.  In fact, they are so ghastly that the dolls are designed so that the entire foot, and not just the shoe, comes off.  I think that's because the Bratz have really ugly feet.  Little girls who play with them are sort of hooped if they lose the "foot".  It's one thing to go barefoot.  It is quite another to go one- or no-foot.  That doesn't do much for any outfit.

Head Size: The Bratz are surprisingly upbeat and perky for young women who apparently have hydrocephalus. What the Hell?

Fashion sense:  I'm the first to acknowledge that the clothes Barbie wears are not necessarily what I would choose for myself.  I'm pretty conservative and tend to stick with navy or black suits.  Nevertheless, it's fair to say that Barbie, while somewhat partial to attire that is on the sexy side, is always tasteful in her choices.  A woman with such perfect proportions is entitled to show off, after all.  The Bratz are another story.  Frankly, I have no idea where a woman with that body shape (enormous head, over-sized boobs and clod-hopper feet) would even begin to shop. You would need to cut the neck holes in shirts just to get your head through.  Perhaps that is why the Bratz are doomed to eternal skankiness.  

Friends:  Barbie surrounds herself with a wide range of friends and relatives from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, like Francie (who was supposed to be African American but who actually just looked like Barbie with a really excellent tan),  Christie (the African American version of Barbie), Malibu Barbie (I think she fell out favour during the sun-screen craze of the 1990s) and Teen-Talk Barbie (known for, among other things, her view that "Math class is tough").  There is also her little sister, Skipper, who can conveniently be locked in the closet if Barbie wants to have a boy over when Mom and Dad are out playing bridge. Barbie also moves freely among various classes of society.  She is an ordinary middle-class working girl one day, and a princess the next.  She has also been known to grow wings and be a fairy from time to time.  Who wouldn't want a friend like that?  Bratz, on the other hand, have no siblings and, although they come from different ethnic and racial backgrounds, they all look pretty darned mainstream.

Boyfriends:  From the Bratz movies and cartoons, it appears that the Bratz date equally shallow, oddly shaped, unemployed twenty-something guys who cannot commit.  Not Barbie! She dates Ken.  He's a real grown up, and slightly taller than Barbie, even when she is wearing shoes.  Ken seems solid and consistent - the kind of guy you could be proud to bring home to mom and dad.  I also think it's admirable that Barbie is brave enough to date a man with no penis. 

Stuff: Barbie has lots and lots of cool stuff.  I'm not sure how she can afford it, since she has no visible means of support. Maybe that's how Ken keeps her from straying over to, say, GI Joe.  Or maybe Barbie is a drug dealer.  Who knows?  The point is, she has sports cars, horses, a plane, an apartment with cool furniture (sold separately) and, of course, the yellow motor home.  What do the Bratz have?  Not much, other than skanky clothes, but I suppose there is potential for some type of trailer-park accessories at some point.

As a mother, this is one of my most significant failures.  I'm not sure how to wean Janet from the Bratz and set her on the righteous path to Barbie-worship.  Suggestions from fellow Bratz victims - and others - are welcome.