Adventures in Television

A few years ago, Arnold and I started our own tradition of jointly purchasing something that we both wanted at Christmastime.  Granted, it's not all that romantic, but nor were our early attempts at giving "special" gifts to each other.   I opened packages containing stock pots and mittens, and Arnold received glassware and carving knives in return.  While neither of us were disappointed in these things, at some point we figured out that we should just pool our resources and get something that we both liked.  Although many of my friends find this a bit strange, I am quite satisfied with the arrangement.  We both have good jobs and frankly, if there is some trinket that I simply must have, I will purchase it myself.

The joint "gifts" have varied in magnitude.  One year it was a couple of CDs (Nina Simone's Baltimore and some cello music).  Another year it was new appliances.  Last year, it was a family vacation.  This Christmas, we decided to take the plunge and get a new television.  That sounds quite simple, doesn't it?

Arnold agreed to undertake the job.  He would go out and purchase a moderately-sized, reasonably-priced, television set.   He said something about a sound system, but I think my anti-tech hormones blocked it out, and then he left.  An hour or so later, he was back, with three very big boxes, containing:  a television stand, a 42" television and a 6-speaker surround sound system, with a 5-disc player and iPod dock.  I could barely contain my excitement.  Next to purchasing underwear for myself, this was probably one of the most monumental milestones in my development as a grown-up.

I figured that the set up would take some time, maybe two hours.  We had to build the television stand, but after that, it would be a simple matter of taking the electronics out of the boxes, connecting a few wires and cables and pushing a button, and we would be magically transported from the 1980s into the twenty-first century and the world of high definition and surround sound.  There were manuals, after all, and on-line trouble-shooting guides that would assist us.  

It took a bit longer than we thought, but five hours later, the stand was built and the television was sitting on it.  The sound system was assembled and wires and cables connected all of the components.  The house was covered in little bits of styrofoam (due largely to the kids using it for various martial art moves), cardboard and plastic.   It was time to turn on the system.  We started with the cable box, then the sound system and finally, the television.

  

"No signal" read the message on the television.  The disappointment was almost indescribable.  The kids gave up and decided to watch a DVD in Daniel's room.  I had a glass of wine and then went off to bed, bitter and disillusioned.  All those hours of technological foreplay were, apparently, for nothing more than a fake orgasm, albeit in high definition.  

The next day we started afresh.   We had no choice, as, after all,  we had invested heavily in this new relationship ("all sales final"), not to mention the great potential that it held, and we had to try and make it work.  Two trips to Staples later, we had two speakers and the woofer from the sound system, and the DVD player, hooked up to the television.  Later that afternoon I managed to get cable on the television, albeit without the independent audio system.  Today I plan to work on getting all six speakers to work.   

Baby steps.