Survival of the Fittest

Next to “Honey, I’ve joined the bowling league” and “My mother is bringing tomato aspic to dinner”, the most dreaded words a working parent will hear are “I’ve got to go out of town for a week”. Sure, there are some advantages to having your other half leave town for awhile, like having seven nights of exclusive possession of the television remote and getting to take whatever you want to the dump. Typically, there are significantly fewer socks strewn about the house. Despite the apparent advantages, however, hearing these words means that you’re in for a long, long week of nagging, cajoling, yelling, stressing out about looming deadlines and unwritten trial briefs, chasing lost mittens and eating on the run. That’s where being prepared with the right supplies can make all the difference in the world and help you keep your sanity.

Most adult females understand the concept of the emergency supply kit. One of my friends urged me to always keep an emergency "sleep over kit" handy, “Just in case you meet the right guy and things move along, ahem, quickly.” Hers included a package of cigarettes, gourmet coffee, Swedish crisp toasts, assorted fruit preserves in tiny, pretentious jars, a couple of spare tooth brushes and, of course, a healthy supply of condoms. Another friend insisted on having emergency hostess supplies handy, for unexpected visits by people she barely knew but felt she had to impress. I’m positive that her fridge and pantry still contain: a wheel of brie (within the expiration date), red pepper jelly, (chilled) white wine and gourmet crackers. (She always kept her house clean and her bathroom was oddly bereft of casual reading material).

Being prepared for the spousal business trip is much the same idea, but the survival gear is a little different. Here's what every busy mom with a partner on a business trip should have on hand to make it through the week:

1. Sugary Cereal: New parents and parents of the yet-to-be-born usually scoff at this idea, as they are still in that adorable stage of imagining that their children will happily eat homemade oatmeal or hot millet. Experienced parents know, however, that nothing says "Good morning" and gets a sleepy kid out of bed and to school on time quite like breakfast cereal that is the nutritional equivalent of Hallowe'en candy. My favourite is "Lucky Charms". Mmmmmm.
2. Wonderbread: I hate this stuff, but the last thing you need when there is only one of you is to discover that the bread with which you intended to make sandwiches for lunch is mouldy. Wonderbread has lots and lots of preservatives and lasts for months on the shelf. That's why it's called "Wonderbread".
3. Canned pasta: In case you forgot to purchase Wonderbread and your bread is green, Zoodles, Alpha Getti and Chef Boy-ar-Dee make a good lunch alternative. (Note: this only works if you have chosen to educate your children at a school that has microwaves in the classrooms). It also makes a nice dinner, served with toasted Wonderbread.
4. Frozen mini-pizzas: Since you actually have to bake these, they count as a home-cooked dinner.
5. Kraft Dinner: It's been around for decades and millions of moms can't be wrong. Don't be afraid to serve it and don't try and be supermom and make authentic mac and cheese. The kids will likely prefer KD and a hot meal is a hot meal.
6. Ichiban Noodles: Millions of Japanese moms can't be wrong. See number 5, above.
7. Celery stalks and Carrots: These make great "sword fighting" props to occupy the kids while you are busily preparing the nutritious hot meals above.
8. Spray Whipped Cream: This is an excellent way to bribe or cajole the kids into all kinds of things, from putting on their mittens to letting you use the computer for just ten minutes. It also makes a great instant dessert and if you let your kids spray it directly into their mouths, they will be very popular with other children.
9. Children's Ibuprofen: You can keep your child's fever at bay for at least eight hours while you go to work.
10. Chilled White Wine and a Wheel of Brie: After you get the kids in bed, have a glass and a slice and relax. You can help yourself to the whipped cream as well. You can do it all again the next day.
11. Your Best Friend's Cell Number: Keep it on speed dial and use it when things get rough. Don't be afraid to ask for a free meal or even some company to help you laugh at the fact that you're not Martha Stewart or June Cleaver.